The experts talk a lot about the power of peer pressure and how to help kids resist its pull as they enter adolescence. We are taught that the peer group has a remarkable and sometimes frightening ability to sway our kids away from the path they know to be right – the one we work so hard to keep front and center in their lives.

But what doesn’t get discussed nearly as much is how peer pressure and the tendency to go along with the crowd continues through life and can defeat us when we become moms and dads.

A case in point: Shannon, the mother of two boys from Portland, wrote that she was upset and confused by something that had happened with a couple moms in her son’s class. Billy, Shannon’s fourth grader, was invited to a sleepover party by a known troublemaker and overall bad influence. She said no to the invitation and her son accepted her answer without much of a fuss.

Later that week she got talking to a couple other moms in the school parking lot. Neither of them wanted their kids go to the party either. They all agreed that based on past experience, it would be poorly supervised and fertile ground for trouble.

Shannon told them that she had said no and encouraged them to do the same given their strong reservations. After some discussion, they were all on board. But the next thing she knew, the moms had changed their minds and their kids were going to the party. It wasn’t that they couldn’t say no to their kid, they couldn’t say no to their friend.

The two moms confessed that they were afraid of the upset and conflict that might arise if they declined the invitation. They decided to just go along with it and hope for the best.

When Shannon asked why they didn’t just bow out gracefully, claiming a previous commitment, they were aghast. “I won’t tell a lie!” was the response. Putting their kids in a situation they knew was neither safe nor healthy seemed like a better choice.

Even though Shannon had stuck to her guns and done what she felt was right, she ended up feeling isolated and “out.” Then she began to question whether she was being overly protective since all the other mothers seemed to be okay with it – even though in her gut, she knew she was right. Does any of this sound familiar to you?

In this situation there are actually two things going on: the pressure to follow along with our peers and the tendency to avoid conflict at all costs. Women in general often feel uncomfortable making waves, not because they are biologically wimpier than men but because they are socialized to be accommodating. Thankfully, this is changing and girls today are more comfortable being assertive. But many adult women still struggle with this.

Let’s face it: whether we are 16 or 70, we all want to fit in. We all want friends. But once those kiddies show up in our lives, the cost of not being able to fight the pressure to go along with the crowd skyrockets. It’s no longer just the effects on us that we have to worry about if we lower our standards and bow to the group. Now we have to consider how our actions will impact the safety and well-being of our kids.

Some of the more common parental peer pressure traps that snare us every day include:

• Letting kids go to parties or activities that are inappropriate or where supervision is questionable because our friends do.
• Giving parties where rules are lax or non-existent because our friends do.
• Letting teenagers drink or smoke pot at our homes because the other parents do.
• Allowing girls to wear makeup or sexy clothing when they are too young because our friends do.
• Letting kids have computers and T.V.’s in their rooms because our friends do.
• Bending our own rules when we are around parents who have looser ones.

The thing to acknowledge is that we don’t always make bad parenting decisions simply because we have a hard time saying no to our kids. Sometimes it’s more that we don’t want to be odd (wo)man out with the other moms.

So how can you get more comfortable about following your own moral compass despite the influence of your peers? Start by paying attention to your feelings when you get into situations like this. If you begin to feel uncomfortable with what is being discussed, take notice. Check whether concerns about being different are causing you to question yourself and your values. Are they making it more likely that you will let others dictate what’s going to happen?

One of the best things to do is to take a good look at the other parents in your life and figure out which ones seem to be most on track and responsible when it comes to parenting. Wean out the ones who are constantly in crisis or who seem to make decisions that are inappropriate or irresponsible. A person who might have been a perfectly acceptable friend before you had kids might not be such a good fit now. Don’t forget: your peers matter! Surround yourself with good influences and depend on them for support.

In order to stand up for your own ideals, you don’t need to make a stink, you don’t need to shout, or to pass judgement. You must, however, learn to be discerning – to figure out what’s right for you and your family – and to stick to that truth calmly and courageously. You can definitely learn how to channel your “inner mama bear” and do what’s best for your children despite the potential social impact on you.

This is not a skill that can be learned overnight, but it can be practiced every day. And sometimes, if you follow your gut and do the unpopular thing, you are going to feel the sting of being the outsider. And that’s okay. You can do it anyway.

I would love to hear stories on this topic from you. Let us know how you’ve handled this kind of thing in your own life. Please share!

You probably don’t give a lot of thought to the lowly apple, but nutritionists (and The Mamas) wish you would. It is one of the most nutritious and delicious everyday foods you can share with your family.

Apple season is about to explode from coast to coast and we want to give you some good, hard facts that will encourage you to grab a bunch of them while they are just coming off the trees. Then do your best to make sure that they make it into the mouths and lunch boxes of your babes.

Here are just a few of the many reasons why you might want to make apples the new go-to snack for your whole family:

1. Apples stimulate the production of saliva, which reduces tooth decay by lowering the levels of bacteria in the mouth. Who doesn’t want their child to have healthier gums and whiter teeth?

2. Apples are packed with antioxidants, powerful compounds that fight many diseases. A recent study found that one of the antioxidants found in apples helps boost the immune system, especially during times of stress.

3. Apples fight the development of many kinds of cancer, including pancreatic, liver, colon and breast.

3. Apples are an excellent source of fiber which provides a huge list of health benefits-it helps to prevent diarrhea and constipation, maintain a healthy weight, and lower the risk for diabetes and heart disease.

5. Apples are a good source of Vitamin C. Just one contains up to 25% of your child’s daily requirement.

6. Apples contain boron, an important mineral which helps to build and maintain strong bones.

7. Apples are fat-free, sodium-free, cholesterol-free, just 65 – 80 calories and mouthwateringly delicious!

Here at MamasOnCall we work hard to help you do what you do — raise your children well and teach them everything they need to know in order to live happy, independent, successful lives. You are their first and most important teacher on their path through life and your value cannot be overstated.

There is a flip side to this equation, though. Yes, you are the teacher but did you ever consider that you can also be the student? True, kids don’t know much about manners or nutrition or how to tie their shoes, make their beds or prepare for a math test. They don’t know how to take turns or make up with a playmate after squabbling over a favorite toy. They can’t cook, drive a car, restrain themselves around an open bar featuring unlimited bowls of skittles or ice cream and they might burn their eyes (and brains) out watching t.v. or playing computer games if no one is around to say, “That’s enough!”

But here’s what they do know (and what you may have forgotten): how to be in the moment with no worries about the future or regrets about the past; how to make time slow down; how to feel their feelings deeply, express them plainly and then let them go; how to say they’re sorry and really mean it; how to find enjoyment in the simplest of activities like playing with an ant and a stick for half an hour; how to forgive and forget; how to become fully absorbed in whatever it is they are doing; how to live with the expectation that all will be well regardless of what’s going on now; how to open their hearts and love with abandon; how to challenge themselves to reach higher and farther than they did the day before; how to make a new friend in seconds; how to judge people based on their personal qualities instead of their looks, income level, job title or social status; how to sleep like a rock; how to express their creativity joyfully without giving a thought to what others might think; how to wonder; and how to greet each day with new eyes and a sense of excitement.

One of the most profound gifts that children bring to us is their willingness to just be who they are without excuses or apologies. They are comfortable in their own skins and able to greet each person who comes into their lives with an open heart and an open mind. In other words, they are able to be their real, authentic selves. And that’s why we feel so comfortable around them.

So do yourself a favor while you have the chance. Slow down and pay attention to how your children do these things. Watch them carefully and allow yourself to marvel at their ability to be present and authentic. Join them in their sense of fun and adventure. Relearn how to play, and how to “be”. They have a lot to teach, if we’re willing to listen.