I just finished watching the last, heart-stopping Olympic hockey game between the U.S.A and Canada. My youngest is a huge, longtime fan of the sport, and over the years he has taught me to enjoy it too. So there I was, cringing and swearing and cheering over each lightning shot that zoomed across the ice.

Throughout it all, I was struck by the laser-like focus and incontestable dedication to the sport that each one of those athletes brought with him to the game. They were all master players competing at the highest level.

Then I started to think about how much behind-the-scenes support they have gotten throughout their lives. Parents, coaches, trainers, consultants, physical therapists, sports psychologists, friends, girlfriends, wives and fellow players are just some of the many who worked hard to help those athletes make it to the podium when the gold and silver were being handed out.

Without a doubt, each player put in the time, made the sacrifices and worked incredibly hard for many years to make a name and a place for himself. But nobody gets to that lofty level on their own.

At that point, I thought of you and how hard you’re working to be the best mom possible to the little charges that have fallen into your lap and your life. And I was wondering, who have you got in your corner? Ever think about that?

It’s a really important question to ask yourself because being a successful parent has to be the hardest job in the world. Sounds cliche, I know, but I honestly do believe it.

Obviously, anyone can take a shot at parenting, but to really pull it off and do it well takes tremendous long-term focus and commitment. And often, mothers are down there in the trenches with very little outside support.

I’m not demeaning husbands or partners. Clearly their contribution is monumental — hopefully. But to be the mom is something different. You’re usually the one doing most of the nurturing, shlepping, disciplining, feeding, comforting, mind reading, and, of course, worrying.

And just in case it isn’t obvious by now, if you want to be truly successful, you’re going to need back up. You’re going to need a team.

So do yourself a favor and start to put together your own handpicked dream team. Draft members who are neither threatened by, jealous of, nor competitive with you. Mix it up. Get a few who are younger, some your own age  and some who are older. It’s fantastic to have one the age of your grandmother – if your own is alive and a true fan of yours, all the better.

The younger ones will give you a chance to teach and demonstrate what you have learned. You’ll be surprised by how much you know and have already mastered. And they will shore up your confidence by marveling at the skill you show in handling what you might think of as a no-brainer in the how-do-I-do-this department.

The ones your age will be up-to-the minute on all the trials and tribulations that are going on in your day-to-day kid-oriented world. They can offer strategies and information and peer support when you need it.

But be sure you’ve got some same-agers who have no children, as well. They can offer a fresh perspective on life and won’t be overwhelmed by the same problem at the same time.

And then be absolutely sure that you find at least one gem of an older mother whose been there already and has kids way beyond where yours are now. Her insight and guidance in everything from relationships, to what it means to be a mother, to cures for the common cold will be invaluable for you.

You need a core group of supporters who care about and are looking after you. Who love you and won’t mind a late night phone call when you’ve lost your confidence or are scared because your child is really sick or you feel wiped out and alone.

Find people who relate to you and who you feel a connection with. Make sure they are stable and want to share time with you and your kids. Stay in touch and let it grow.

Believe me, if you can find the right people to be in your corner throughout these really tough and often baffling parenting years, they will get you to the finish line with your head held high and a smile on your face. And along the way, don’t forget to pass along the favor and join someone else’s team, too.

“The box says you can’t eat them if the seal is broken. So I’m looking for the seal.” That’s the word from one little guy as he carefully sorts through the contents of his animal crackers. So funny, so dear, and such a clear window into his ability to make sense (or nonsense) of his world.

It’s just this kind of childish response that delights even the toughest curmudgeons among us and truth be told, I’m one of the biggest fans of kid crazy-talk. I could listen to it all day. The stories and phrases of young children often give us a laugh and sometimes make us shake our heads at the wisdom and down-to-earth practicality that seems to come forth so effortlessly.

For example, when an 8-year-old girl was asked about her ideas on what makes a good marriage, she replied, “One of you should be able to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there’s still going to be a lot of bills.” Ain’t that the truth.

Why do they talk his way? And why do we seem to lose the whimsical, insightful approach to our words as we age?

To begin with, language development is an ongoing process, and a child’s ability to think and make sense of things develops very gradually as her brain grows and her experiences with people, places and things multiply.

But it doesn’t happen all at once and since young children’s experiences in the world are extremely limited they have very little to draw on as they try to communicate with the big folks. Plus, their vocabularies are very, very small for many years. And it’s not until they are in their teens and beyond that they have a firm grasp on the subtleties of language.

Occasionally, the wee folk misunderstand or misinterpret what we say to them. We throw out a phrase, thinking that it is simple and obvious but they hear something completely different.

“Don’t try to kid me Mommy, I know these are my feet,” a 3-year-old replied to his mom when she told him his shoes were on the wrong feet.

Sometimes they seem so smart and capable, that we assume they are right there on the same page with us. So we explain a situation or try to prepare them for an upcoming experience and don’t stop to consider that they are taking us literally. We forget just how complex our language really is and fail to appreciate how confusing much of what they hear is to them.

When one 6-year-old ran to answer a phone call from his father he gasped “Hello?” into the receiver. His dad said, “Hi Nick. You sound out of breath!” Nick answered back, “No Dad, I have more.” Cute and funny, but a perfect example of the literal interpretation that little boy was giving to his daddy’s words.

Until they are around 11 or 12, they are concrete thinkers and they take the words you use with them at face value. They cannot yet think in an abstract way. Sometimes the results of this are funny and adorable but to them, hey, it is what it is.

Given that, it starts to make sense that another child asked, “How do you put makeup on your mind?” after being told to make up her mind. Many a child has been unfairly punished for being a “smart mouth” when they came out with a response like this. But can you stop for a moment and try to imagine just how out-there we adults must sound to them sometimes?

Another problem that can get in the way is that they often understand that a word has one particular meaning but don’t know that it can be used in other ways, too. Here’s a good example: ”Mommy, you told me it would be a shot, but it was a needle,” a little boy was overheard telling his mother in the hospital.

And I love the story about the young boy whose dad was reading Bible stories to him. After the father read the words, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee from the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” The wide-eyed child had one concern: “But Dad, what happened to the flea?”

Although they are concrete thinkers, they also have extremely active imaginations and do not clearly and consistently distinguish between fantasy and reality until sometime before five.

So they are busy, busy, busy playing in a serious way that they are doing one thing or another, and sometimes get caught up in the game or fantasy. When a father asked his daughter what she was doing as she pounded away at the typewriter she replied, “Writing a story.” “What’s it about?’ he asked. “How do I know?” she answered, ” I can’t read.”

I loved those years when my children were entertaining me on a daily basis with their funny thoughts and words. And I found that they loved to take a lighthearted look at how words can get mixed up, too.

Some of our favorite children’s books to read out loud were from the Amelia Bedelia series by Peggy Parrish. If you haven’t seen these treasures yet, waste no time in running to the library or the bookstore and snagging a few.

Amelia is a housekeeper who works for the Rogers family. In a great twist that early readers love, it is Amelia, rather than the kids, who is always getting things mixed up – like the time when they were all going camping and Mr. Rogers tells Ameleia it’s time to hit the road.

Amelia, being Amelia, picks up a stick and begins to beat the ground with it. Children in kindergarten and beyond eat this stuff up! And they love to be the one to read it out loud to you, too.

As parents, we get front row seats as our little ones slowly meander towards our way of talking and thinking. But the silly stories and mixed-up logic doesn’t last. Write those amazing one-liners down before they slip away into your own unconscious forever.

I know you think you will never forget them but believe me, you will. This golden time goes by really fast!

And while you’re at it, have some fun with them by playing with words and introducing puns. It’s a great way to help them develop their sense of humor, which will allow them to enjoy life more and help them deal with the ongoing ups and downs of life. Get them to make up silly songs and tape record them for posterity. Years later you will all enjoy watching and listening to these masterpieces.

*All the children’s quotes in this article are from Things People Said: Kid Quotes

The other day on my way to yoga I heard a news story that would have curled my hair if it wasn’t curly to start with. My jaw dropped, my blood pressure spiked and I momentarily lost awareness of what I was doing.

Why? Well it all began when I heard the morning DJ start talking about a Southern California school district’s decision to … wait for it … ban the dictionary from their schools.

“Oh, come on,” I thought. “This can’t be real. It must be a joke.” But no, it wasn’t a joke.  According to the story, a parent in the Menifee Union School District freaked out when an elementary-age student came upon the word “oral sex” in the dictionary. Maybe it wasn’t accidental. Maybe the child in question simply overheard the word and decided to look it up. I don’t know.

But whatever the case, it so upset the woman that she decided she couldn’t allow any other children to come in contact with words like THAT again. So she vowed to put a stop to any future interactions between the children in her school district and that nasty dictionary.

And believe it or not, she did. She went to the district and convinced them that the dictionary was totally inappropriate and needed to come off the shelves immediately. And they went along with it!

So now the Menifee School District is “reviewing” the dictionary in question to determine whether it should be banned as a threat to their students. Yep, tax dollars are going out to pay for someone to literally read every word in the dictionary and then decide whether it is “appropriate” to have at school. You can’t make this stuff up.

“Well okay,” I thought, as I tried to calm myself down. “Some parents do get all wacked-out when their kids begin to get interested in sex or start to ask questions about how the species keeps reproducing itself.” “Where DO babies come from?” “What’s THIS for?” “Why doesn’t my baby sister have one, too?”

The idea of discussing sex or sexuality with their kids is embarrassing and difficult for some parents. Not that they’re off the hook, but they may need some help with it, and I get that.

So that’s one explanation for her behavior. Or, maybe this mom has just had it with the constant barrage of sexual images and innuendo that seem to permeate our culture these days and worries about what effect it may be having on her child. I get that one too, and can sympathize. Maybe she feels like she can’t protect her daughter and fears that her innocence is at stake. Okay, got it.

Then again, this mom might believe that her opinion is the only one that matters and that she is going to call the shots regardless of how ridiculous her suggestions may be. Hard to know where she was coming from.

But however much I may be able to explain or overlook the mother’s behavior, I can’t for the life of me understand the reaction of the school district. We are talking about the Merriam Webster Dictionary after all, not The Happy Hooker.

Don’t we want kids to have access to words and their meanings in school? Don’t we want to encourage them to increase their vocabularies and learn as many words as possible so that they can communicate and interact with people and institutions and the world?

And aren’t the educators and officials who represent our schools supposed to fight for the rights of all children to have the materials they need to grow and learn as students? I thought so, too.

So why do you suppose they caved when one irate parent came in with an issue? Why didn’t they calm her down and then explain that the dictionary is part and parcel to the academic life and that she is not in a position to force it off the shelves?

I worry sometimes that the voices of some parents have gotten too loud and that they aren’t listening to anyone else. Somewhere along the line a strange kind of attitude has emerged and taken hold in certain groups of people. They are very vocal, very self-righteous, and very good at convincing others that they know best and speak for us all. But they don’t.

Personally, I’ve always been a fan of the dictionary and we’ve got a few of them around our house. I’m big on pointing to it when somebody has a question. My mom was too. When I was a kid and asked her what a particular word meant, she would smile and say, “Look it up.” She wouldn’t sit me down and go into a big explanation of what the word meant until I had taken a stab at getting the definition myself.

Her thinking was that it was my homework and I needed to figure out how to get the information on my own. As a result, I learned how to alphabetize, how look things up, that words have more than one meaning, and that there were a lot of words out there that meant the same thing.

And believe it or not, in all those years, I never once came across  the words”oral sex” (I can’t believe that I’m having to defend the honor of the dictionary, of all things).

These days the dictionary still has a warm place in my heart. My family loves to play our own version of Balderdash. We get a dictionary, some little pieces of paper, and enough pencils for everyone who’s playing. One person thumbs through the dictionary and finds a word he thinks nobody knows and calls it out. The other players write it down and come up with a definition that they think the others will believe.

The idea is to get people to think that your definition is the correct one. You get points for fooling people and it’s fun and harmless and educational, too. The papers are folded and tossed into a bowl (including the real one) and the person who picked the word reads them aloud. The definitions are frequently hilarious, but even so, it’s often hard to figure out which one is real.

We’ve spent hours playing this game and have been doing it for years with kids and friends and family. It’s lots of fun. All you need is a dictionary. I hope they don’t take ours away.

When we moved to New York from California, my oldest child had just finished 9th grade. He was coming to a new high school and had his fears about fitting in and creating a life for himself in a place where everything was different. My husband and I worried quietly about how it might be for him and hoped that he would make new friends by joining the soccer team at his new school.

He had made varsity as a freshman in California, so we figured he would do pretty well here. When try outs came around in August, we were thrilled to learn that he had made it.

We had only been in the state for a couple weeks at that time and didn’t know a soul. We had planned a family trip to Aruba months before we left California. We knew the move would be tough on everyone and thought that having this pre-back-to-school trip to look forward to might ease some of the stress and sadness of leaving family and friends in California.

But guess what happened? As soon as the list came out, the coach announced that soccer practice would be starting immediately and that every player must be at every practice or risk being kicked off the team. This was a full three weeks before classes began–still summertime as far as I was concerned.

Mind you, the plane tickets had been bought, the reservations had been made and we had been looking forward to this trip together for many months. It was the light at the end of the tunnel.

Was I a little P.O’d? Yes indeed. And I tried talking to the coach and explaining our situation but my pleas fell on deaf ears. My son must be there or else.

Does this story sound familiar? How about this one? My other son played on a team with a coach who informed a teammate’s mother that if she allowed her son to miss an upcoming game in order to attend his brother’s Bar Mitzvah, he could not start in the next three games.

Or this one: during the spring of my son’s junior year, College Night came around. The school counseling department puts it on as an introduction to the whole college admission process. It’s a very important evening for parents and students and college admissions officers are often present to give first-hand advice about what they are looking for and how to go applying. A big deal, right?

Well, on this particular evening, there was also a varsity lacrosse practice scheduled. The coaches had said nothing about players being excused to go to College Night and many of the boys feared repercussions if they left practice to go. I emailed the coach that morning and said that I KNEW there must have been an oversight about the time conflict and was certain that he would make sure that the juniors were excused in plenty of time to get showered and in their seats before the program began.

Basically, I felt like I had to shame him into this. He sheepishly agreed to do so (what could he say? It was a high school team) but only two of the juniors came. The others were concerned about what might happen later if they left early.

The sad thing is, I could go on and on with stories just like this for hours. Stories about how other families have been cowed into giving up vacations, dinner time, important visits or celebrations with grandparents or other family members, too.

Many of these coaches and athletic programs pay lip service to their favorite false slogan, “Family comes first,” but their actions tell a very different story. And, to be honest, it’s not just the coaches. There are plenty of parents out there who have made their kid’s participation in youth sports something akin to the search for the holy grail — an all-consuming passion that overrides chores, the family budget, family meals, family time, community service, down time, homework, and sleep.

Given all of that, it’s not too surprising that the National Alliance for Youth Sports has recently announced that kids are dropping out of sports at an unprecedented and alarming level. By age 13, a whopping 73% are throwing in the towel for good. But why?

Well, a large percentage of the children interviewed say that having practice every day and games every weekend, coupled with the intense pressure they feel from coaches and parents to win, causes too much stress and not enough time for anything else. It’s not fun and, they say, not worth it. Basically they get burned out and fed up and miss having a life. And who can blame them?

Too bad, though, because participation on a team can give a lot to a child — exercise, the chance to be a part of a team, and a feeling of connection to his school or community. This assumes, of course, that the coach harbors no grand illusions that he is the next Bill Walsh or Knute Rockne. We need more guys out there like Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights. He knows how to find the balance even when you’re talking high school football in Texas!

Most of you moms are not in this boat yet. But the truth is, it sneaks up on you fast. One minute you’re trying to get your child to put on her shin guards all by herself and the next you’re listening to the coach call for four practices a week smack dab in the middle of dinnertime.

It’s easy to feel like you have no right to set limits in the face of pressure from overly competitive coaches and parents. But you absolutely do and I’m hoping that this little rant of mine will help get you motivated to take action once you get there. Keep your eyes open for some concrete, specific suggestions on what you can do in an upcoming Mama To Mama post. We’ll see what we can do to help you keep it semi-sane.

Any of you out there interested in raising a perfectly spoiled, totally ungrateful, downright rude child? One who has a well-developed sense of entitlement and an uncanny ability to always be first in line and get the biggest piece? The kind of child who grows up to be a pushy, demanding, selfish, loud, and aggressive adult? No? Are you sure?

Didn’t think so. Nobody really enjoys being around people like that whether they are big or little. And no parent worth his or her weight in salt would try to create that on purpose. But guess what? Kids don’t get that way by accident.

The seeds of entitlement and self-centered (it’s all about me) behavior are planted early and need a lot of tending and encouragement in order to take root. Parents are definitely not off the hook on this one and their behavior often serves as a powerful model for the aspiring jackass.

Luckily, you can avoid ending up as the mother of a Bernie Madoff, Paris Hilton, or Ebenezer Scrooge clone. But if you’re really serious about it, it’s not just your child whose behavior will need a close look. You’re going to have to pay attention to your own, too. Ouch. I know, I hate to look in the mirror, too. But after all, the entitled parent begets the entitled child, no question about it.

So what can you do? The good news is, a lot. Even if your child is teeny tiny you can get going now on averting this potential disaster and years of therapy or parole officers later. Here are a few things to keep in mind…

ALWAYS AND EVERYWHERE

You: Teach her to be polite by saying “please” and “thank you” to the man at the cleaners, the grocery store clerk, the waiter, the kid at the video store and everybody else that you come in contact with.

Your child: Make sure she does the same. By about one and a half, she can. She won’t get the full meaning of these words just yet, but will get familiar with the custom and gradually gain the full understanding of what she is saying.

AT THE MOVIES OR A PERFORMANCE

You: Teach him to be considerate by never cutting in line, pushing, or crowding other people. “Don’t forget to use your manners” won’t work if he sees you turn into a steamrolling witch when you’re out and about.

Your child: Don’t allow him to talk loudly or often during the movie or kick the seat in front of him. If he’s with you, you’re responsible for what he does that annoys other people.

IN THE CAR

You: Show him what it means to be patient. Don’t cut people off in traffic, don’t yell at bad drivers or flip them the bird. Demonstrating how to control your temper when you’re frustrated is a powerful lesson and your children are taking mental notes. Even though little Suzie seems to be focused elsewhere, trust me, it’s you she’s tuned into.

Your child: Encourage her to hang in there and behave nicely even though she may be tired and sick of being in the car. Let her know that you believe she can stop whining or yelling and that you expect her to try her best. On the other hand, keep your expectations realistic and offer conversation, diversions and interesting things to do while driving from one place to the next.

IN THE COMMUNITY

You: Bring your child with you to deliver food to the food bank and outgrown clothes to the community center. Explain that some people don’t have enough to eat or clothes and shoes to keep them warm.

Your child: Encourage him to help you hold the door for the elderly, mothers with strollers or anyone with special needs. Explain that we all need to look out for each other. Help him collect cans to bring for the food drive at school. He can even buy one or two with his own money.

AT SCHOOL

You: When a problem develops at school, don’t immediately side with your child against the teacher. Get the story straight without getting defensive. All kids (including yours) act out at times. See it as a teachable moment. He will never learn if you always clean up the mess.

Later, talk to him privately in a calm, serious way. Explain that his behavior was not okay and help him figure out other ways to handle the situation in the future.

Your child: Ask him to apologize to the teacher or other person involved. Help him choose his words. Afterwards, thank him for taking responsibility. Let him know that it made you proud.

IN A RESTAURANT

You: Don’t bring a laptop and show a movie. Please! No adult wants to watch The Lion King when they go out to dinner. Don’t let him run around, throw or play with his food, drop it on the floor and then let the waiter clean up the mess. And please turn off your cell phone.

Your child: Make him stay put in his chair, use an “inside” voice, use silverware, and thank the waiter.

AT THE PLAYGROUND

You: Watch your child’s behavior carefully and remember that the playground belongs to everyone. Don’t litter or leave a mess. Sure, kids will be kids. But it’s your job to teach your child to share and respect other people and property.

Your child: Encourage him to take turns. No hogging the swing. If he grabs something from another child, don’t just look the other way or give it back yourself. Have your child say he’s sorry and return the item. Take time to explain how taking someone else’s toy might have made that person feel.

AT HOME

There is so much you can teach at home. This is really their primary classroom in life.

You: Teach self-control by saying no and setting limits without using physical force, intimidation or verbal abuse. “No” is a really important word for them to understand, but you don’t want to model bullying behavior or teach them it’s okay to abuse power. Same goes for your relationship with your partner. Violence between parents almost always shows up again in the next generation.

Your child: Don’t allow him to hit, bite or scratch when he’s angry or frustrated. Help him to use his words to talk about his feelings.

You: Teach appreciation and that his actions have impact by commenting when he behaves well: ” Thank you for getting into the car so nicely. That was a big help.” Or for doing thoughtful, kind things: “Thank you for helping to set the table; for putting your dirty clothes in the hamper; for that really nice hug. It really helped!”

Your child: Make sure he also learns to say thank you to family members when they give him a drink, help him put on his shoes or clean up his toys.

You: Show him that all people deserve respect regardless of age or size by saying “Excuse me,” when you bump him (or the baby) accidentally, or “I’m sorry,” if you need to, and always speak to him in a respectful tone of voice.

Your child: Don’t let him get TOO bossy with his younger siblings. And when a fight happens, don’t just send them off to “work it out.” Kids need to learn HOW to work it out. They need to learn how to listen to each other and how to go beyond blaming. They need to learn strategies for solving problems with their peers from you.

You: Teach gratitude by writing thank you notes with your child. Talk about the gift she received and explain that someone went to a lot of trouble to get it for her and that a “thank you” is important.

Your child: She can make her contribution to the letter by putting stickers on it or adding a little drawing, and then be the one to put it in mailbox.

Okay, so that was a lot! But believe me,  if you step up and really get serious, your kids will be the winners. They may even thank you for it later!