What’s the best way to discuss the food choices at your kitchen table? How do you explain food alternatives to children? Is it okay to make a food right or wrong? Has discussing food with kids become the new “where do babies come from?” 

The following interview with Ruby Roth, author of the children’s book, “Vegan is Love” is posted on babble.com. Take a look, then let us know how you feel about discussing the politics of food with your kids.

Why write about veganism for kids?

I was teaching art in L.A. and the kids were always curious about why I wasn’t eating their classroom snacks–usually packaged string cheese and milk. Sometimes, as a vegan, you feel like a communist, like you’re going to be black listed, so I would brush aside their questions. One day, however,  I realized I’m a teacher, I’m supposed to be teaching. There’s nothing against the law about telling the kids the truth. I went to look for a book that might explain more about vegan choices, but every book was about a talking animal or vegetable. I thought that took away from the richness and reality of the issues. These kids were too cool, they wouldn’t take a book like that seriously. They were street smart and could handle this information and we as adults were leaving them out of the dialogue.

Here in the West we have a Victorian concept of raising children, that they are precious and frail and I think that hinders what they are captures. But, in my experience you can really say anything to kids, any tough topic can be talked about if you talk about it in a nonemotional straightforward, frank way. Especially if there isn’t a focus on negativity, but on constructive ideas. If you want to talk to kids about the circus and the abuse of elephants, I wouldn’t just show the kids a video of an elephant being abused, I’d say, “hey I just found out something really important and I wonder what you think about it.” You’re not scaring them, you’re offering facts to them about their world and empowering them to come up with constructive ways to address those facts.

What is the best way to use your book?

I’d say to first, read it all the way through. Introduce those ideas to your kids. Then, use it as a reference when children come up with questions. I really tried to hit on all the tenets of veganism so the book is a good place to learn about a variety of concerns. I wanted the book to be a jumping off point for discussion. And mostly, I wanted this book to be a resource to anyone and everyone, I wanted it to show the power of our choices.

What books & websites would you recommend to parents interested in starting their own path toward veganism?

There are so many, but here would be some good places to start.Food Revolution (John Robbins)

• Eating Animals by Jonathon Safran. The book is a must-read for anyone wants to understand the issues.
• 101Cookbooks.com is my favorite place to send people to for beautiful, realistic vegan recipes. The site is very well organized. It’s not all vegan, but there is a large section of recipes that will get you started.
• Skinny Bitch, by Kim Barnouin and Rory Freedman. A fun way to introduce yourself to the benefits of a vegan diet.
• Jason Wrobel’s entertaining videos and incredible recipes are a great resource to have for new vegans and raw foodies. All of his recipes are good.
• The Sun Food Diet Success System and Superfoods by David Wolf. This book is full of great information for new vegans.

How can people new to veganism start making choices that make a change?

• 1) Expand your food repertoire. Start by adding new things in before you start taking things away. Once you start feeling good, and find out this whole world of food, you start craving what you’re eating. If you’re eating cotton candy, that’ what you’ll crave. If you eat avocados, you’ll crave avocados.
• 2) Looking at the underbelly of the food system. The food in our fridge, where our money is going. When you are really honest about the issues, it’s hard to ignore them.
• 3)  Work within your own area of influence. As you begin to veganize your own territory, you don’t have to become a teacher or write a book, we need people to work within their own area of expertise, people greening their own area. Go to the principal at your school and be a reliable resource to all thigns green within your school. People are more likely to listen to you if you use the word “green” rather than “vegan”.” Same goes for if you’re a makeup artist or a janitor. Use green materials and introduce them to your clients.
• 4) Support organizations that already exist. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Support and volunteer. Animal sanctuary’s are an amazing resource when you want to do something with your family that is active and positive. Nix your trips to the zoo. How much more exciting is it to be with lively animals, versus depressed animals sitting in cages? The zoo doesn’t teach true, authentic reverence as much as when you’re doing something as hands on, so find a local animal sanctuary and volunteer some of your time there.
• 5) Dive into analytical, interesting discussions with your kids. Find ways to broach topics that you think are too tough. When you find a gentle way to talk about it and take about it with your kids, you encourage critical thinking. You start teaching your children how to form their own morals, opinions, and values. Kids can’t make choices if they don’t know there are any. In my experience, they can easily make the move toward making wise choices on their own, so long as they are given the chance to understand and actually make those decisions for themselves.

What do you hope people learn from Vegan is Love?
This book is my personal prayer for the future of the world. I think since my first book came out, we as a nation have heard a lot of chanting about hope and change. I think it’s clear at this point that we can’t wait on our leaders to fix our food system, the environment, or health care. It’s up to us. Social change has always come from the bottom up. So, I wrote this book for a new generation of kids in the hope that they can make choices. This book is really about choices and about how far across the world we can send our love.

The Mamas want to know what you think. Do you agree with Ms. Roth? Is feeding kids meat child abuse? How do you explain nutritional choices to your little ones?

Dear Mamas,

Our 4-year-old son was born with an extra kidney, which we found out after he had a couple of unexplained urinary tract infections leading to a series of tests. The pediatrician sent us to a urologist, who recommended we have the kidney removed since it’s assumed to be the cause of the infections.

Our baby is scheduled for the surgery in about 10 days and yesterday we went for a hospital tour. It was very helpful to see the surgical suite, recovery and regular rooms, but we were confused by all the different healthcare workers and their various jobs. I’ve never been in the hospital myself, except to deliver our son, and it all seems a bit overwhelming. Can you help me figure out who’s who?

Many thanks,

Alison

Hi Alison,

I’m sure it was scary for you to discover that your little guy was born with a third kidney, but you’d be surprised how common this kind of variation can be. In about one of 500 births, some abnormality occurs in the development of the kidneys or urinary system. It ‘s not really known why; the development of the urinary tract is a complex process that is not fully understood. In most cases these little extras will have no effect on long-term health.

Taking care of the problem now should prevent future infections and the whole episode will fade into the background and make a great family story. Just think of the girls who will be impressed by that scar someday.

You’re right, it does seem like the variety of personnel working in hospitals has mushroomed in recent years. It’s almost impossible to keep track of the players, and we can’t blame you for being confused.

Here’s a breakdown, starting with the physician staff: 

Medical student: Medical students usually spend the first 2 years of medical school in the classroom and the last 2 years seeing patients in the hospital. Chances are if your guy is having surgery at a teaching hospital, there will be a med student asking lots of questions.

Tyler had his first seizure in elementary school, and any parent who’s ever witnessed one knows it tops the list of the scariest things out there. The only thing I can compare it to is an earthquake happening in the body. Just like an earthquake, you think it’s never going to end — and you’re terrified your child won’t survive it.

A pediatric neurologist was called in and put Tyler on Dilantin, a seizure drug that’s been around for a long time. It has some known side effects and a pretty good track record for effectiveness. He did well, and after awhile the seizures stopped altogether. Several months later the doctor weaned Tyler off Dilantin in the hope that he’d outgrown the problem.

A year later the seizures returned, though they were minor at first. Tyler was put on Depakote, a different medication with a different anti-seizure action. When the seizures continued, the dose was gradually increased, but no one (except Tyler’s mom) ever suggested putting him back on Dilantin, in spite of its past effectiveness.

A few weeks ago, while the family was on vacation in the mountains, Tyler had a whopper of a seizure. The ER doc at the local hospital called the neurologist, who told him to up the dose of Depakote to the highest possible level. Long story short, Tyler is still having seizures on this maximum dose and his mom is screaming bloody murder at doctors she’s completely lost confidence in. But no one is listening, and here’s why.

In our HMO world, where medical practice is dictated by the insurance companies, doctors tend to partner together in large groups to save on overhead and spread out the HUGE volume of bureaucratic paperwork.

Like any monopoly, these groups lose some of their connection to the patient and start to act like they’re manufacturing widgets instead of taking care of people. Doctors see patient after patient and barely have time to do a basic exam, much less connect in any real way. They’re not bad people. They’re not bad doctors. They just don’t see their job quite the same way as they used to.

So instead of taking a closer look at Tyler’s history, and figuring out the best treatment for THIS unique child, they follow whatever medication protocol is popular now and check the Depakote box. And just try to get approval for a second opinion out of the network, or, even harder, to choose an outside physician. You could fly to the moon in less time.

So I gave my friend as much inside information as I could about how the system works, taught her some buzz words, and hope for the best. But what I REALLY hope is that we get meaningful health care reform that loosens the vice-like grip the insurers have on all of us — patients, doctors, and parents — and that we can get back to doing the right thing and choosing the right medicine and making medical decisions for the right reasons.

No, I’m not naive. I know that economics and politics — not the healthcare needs of patients — will determine what our “new” system looks like. I’m worried that too many bumps will appear in the road and the detours won’t be pretty. But I’m also hopeful that when the dust settles we WILL do the right thing and end up with something that actually keeps people healthy instead of slapping on an ever expanding series of band-aids as they get sicker.

Because Tyler depends on it.

Dear Mamas,

I’m the single mom of a recently adopted, beautiful 4 month-old baby girl. I’m slightly older (42) and never had children before, so sometimes I feel like a total idiot about the whole parenting thing.

My specific dilemma is this: how do I know when it’s appropriate to put in a call to her pediatrician when I have a question?

Marina recently had her 4 month check which, as you know, comes with a bunch of different vaccinations. Afterwards, she seemed feverish and fussy for a few days and I called a couple times to ask for suggestions. By the 2nd call the office staff seemed annoyed and reluctant to pass on my concerns to the doctor. I ended up figuring it out on my own, but felt like I was left hanging without the support I would have liked.

Is this normal and to be expected? How do I know when it’s okay to call or not to call? I don’t want to be THAT mom, but how am I supposed to know what’s serious and what’s not? It feels weird to rely on the internet. Isn’t the doctor supposed to know about my baby?

Your advice is greatly appreciated. I just need some guidelines.

Thank you –

Janelle

Dear Janelle,

Congratulations on your new bundle! You’re heading out on a terrific adventure, and little Marina is more than lucky to have you as her mom.

You say you’re unsure about your skills in the parenting department, but it sounds like your instincts are right on target. Every new mom learns as she goes, and that includes info about baby’s wellness and what to expect after routine immunizations. There are no silly questions. You must be able to count on the staff and doc to offer support and information when you need it — that’s a critical part of their job.

It’s impossible to overstate the importance of having a good working relationship with the health team taking care of your child, including feeling free to call on them when needed. Small problems that may seem trivial can become big problems that are serious, and we depend on experts to know the difference.

If you need information about how your car is running, call your mechanic. Questions about taxes are directed to your accountant. The last thing you need is to deal with attitude on the other end. Ditto for your child’s doctor and office staff.

That said, there are some guidelines to help you decide how urgently you need to make contact. Most minor problems can be handled during office hours, and you should never hesitate to call between 8 and 5. If you don’t get an immediate response, expect a call back by the end of the day. A good rule of thumb: If baby is acting, eating, and drinking normally (and by that I mean normal for her), it can wait a bit.

Some problems can’t wait. Small children can go from sick to very sick quickly, and it’s important to recognize the warning signs.

Contact the doc immediately, day or night, if:

• Baby is less than 8 weeks old and has a rectal temp over 100.4 F.
• Baby is listless, lethargic, or sleepy at a normally wakeful time, with or without fever.
• Baby is wheezing or breathing faster or harder than usual.
• Baby falls from bed or table height and appears hurt.
• Baby has a dark rash over trunk that doesn’t pale when pressed.
• Baby is vomiting repeatedly and can’t keep down any fluids.
• You see blood in the diaper.
• Anytime you are alarmed. Trust your gut.

Call 911 day or night if: 

• There is loss of consciousness for any reason.
• Baby has a seizure, with or without fever.
• Baby develops hives over body with swelling around the mouth or noisy breathing (allergic reaction).
• Baby is breathing irregularly.
• Baby is unresponsive.
• You suspect baby has ingested poison or medication.                                          First call POISON CONTROL: 800 222 1222 

Your primary job is to keep your daughter safe, healthy and happy. If you occasionally have to ruffle a few feathers to do that, so be it. One of the great things about being a mom is the new ways you’ll get in touch with your inner Mama Bear.

If your current pediatrician isn’t a comfortable fit ask your friends, other moms, women you know for recommendations. Interview them first and look for someone who shares your parenting views and feels right. An educated consumer is our best customer.

Good luck!

~the Mamas

Yes, I said the ‘f’ word. Not chunky, or chubby, or big-boned, or solid, or plump, or heavy, or stout. Fat. Because the first step to solving a world-wide epidemic is recognizing it and calling it what it is. Euphemisms allow us to distance ourselves from the emotional impact and encourage inaction. So let’s just face it: we have become a nation of FAT people. Why? How did it happen?

I recently read a powerful book called The End of Overeating, by Dr. David Kessler, the former Food and Drug Administration Chairman. In the book Dr. Kessler describes his own ongoing battle with overweight and his self-described “powerlessness over the chocolate chip cookie”. This irresistible attraction to sweets led him to spend the next seven years trying to figure out why it was so.

In a manner he compares to the tobacco industry, and how they’ve perfected ways to deliver nicotine and make their product as addictive as possible, Dr. Kessler describes how food manufacturers, with the help of food scientists (talk about creating bad karma), have combined and created foods in a way that taps into our brain circuitry and stimulates our desire for more.

By combining fats, sugar and salt in innumerable ways, food makers have essentially tapped into the brain’s reward system, creating a feedback loop that stimulates our desire to eat and leaves us wanting more and more, even when we’re full.

Precisely engineered foods contain just the right combinations that cause us to reach the “bliss point”, a state of near drug induced stimulation that keeps us coming back for another hit. A good example, says Dr. Kessler, is the Snickers candy bar. As we chew it, the sugar dissolves, the fat melts and the caramel traps the peanuts so the entire combination of flavors is blissfully tasted at the same time. Nirvana!

And though we are all vulnerable to the lure of these carefully created food drugs, Dr. Kessler says there is hope. We have the ability to go through ”food rehab” and retrain ourselves to avoid the foods that trigger our dependence and overeating.

So for parents, and let’s face it … here I’m mostly talking about us moms who are responsible for the vast majority of food preparation, that means we’ve got some rethinking to do. Yes, I know, once again I’m suggesting an added burden, a new load of guilt, something we need to change to avoid burning in mommy hell. Sorry, this one does fall largely on us.

Think about retraining the family brain. When you shop, look for foods with the least amount of engineering and fewest ingredients. Beware of the evil salt-sugar-fat combinations, and when you see them (and particularly when you eat them) note how they may tend to induce powerlessness. Consider the foods we tend to lose control with:  I’ve never eaten just one scoop of Ben and Jerry’s (where’d that pint go?) or just a few Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies.

Add interesting tastes and flavors via spices to simple foods. Train your brain to appreciate varied tastes without the need for the dangerous stuff. It’s all about retraining and habit. Do it for yourself. Do it for your kids. Do it for our fat-and-growing-fatter country! If David Kessler can resist that second (and third and tenth) chocolate chip cookie,  maybe we can, too.

Hello. I have a seventeen month old baby girl. She is still napping twice a day for 1 1/2-2 hours per nap. I try to keep a consistent night time schedule by giving her a bath before bedtime. Alyssa will get sleepy after a bath by 7:30/8:00. A few times she seemed to have a “second wind” I guess because she is finally learning how to walk more.

Alyssa usually goes to bed between 7:45-8:30. I never know if she will sleep through the night though. One night she slept until 6:15 am. The next night she woke up around 2:30 am only to get up around 5:20 am. With most mornings getting up between 5:00 and 5:20. This inconsistency is driving me crazy at times. Luckily I don’t have to get up for a job!

What can I do to get her to sleep more consistently? When she wakes up in the middle of the night I do go to her. Sometimes it is for her binky but other times I try to rock her to sleep. Her room is next door to my room. My husband has to go to work in the middle of the night so that is partly why I still get up to comfort Alyssa (so my husband can sleep). I know bringing her in our bed is wrong. I do that mainly when I know she is getting up for the morning. But one night recently she was hysterical crying and I was afraid to put her back in her crib. I can’t rock a baby so long when I am tired! Any advice is appreciated.

P.S. I usually put her in for her first nap between 8:00/8:30 am and her second nap between 1:00 and 2:00 pm. But these are the times she rubs her eyes usually.

Amy

Hi Amy,

This is probably THE #1 question we get. So rest assured, you’re not alone.

It sounds like you’re aware that business-as-usual isn’t working well for your family. No one’s getting good rest, but you don’t know how to go about changing the sleep pattern, and we can help with that. Your little cutie-pie is definitely working you. She’s been trained to do that by the habits you’ve all gotten into, but have no fear — you can RE-train her in, at most, 5 days.

First, choose a 5 day stretch when your schedule is as typical as possible. The technique doesn’t work well when you’re away from home or your routine is disrupted. Consistency is the key.

It sounds like you already have a bedtime ritual (the bath) and that’s great. Water time is relaxing for toddlers and helps them release the energy of the day. You may want to follow the bath with a quiet cuddle activity, like reading a story or singing lullabies — anything that makes her feel close and loved, but doesn’t encourage a second wind.

Then it’s time to lay her in the crib, say your goodnights, and quietly leave her room and close the door. Don’t try to get her to fall asleep in your arms. The goal is to teach her to fall asleep on her own so that IF she wakes up later during the night, she can put herself back to sleep again. This is an important and empowering skill for her.

If she cries when you leave the room wait 5 minutes (you’ll need a clock for this, ’cause every minute will seem much longer) before going to the closed door and reassuring her with your calm voice. Something like … “You’re OK, Alyssa. Mommy’s here and I love you” works well. If she continues to cry (and she likely will) wait another 5 minutes and repeat the same mantra at the door. Continue this every 5 minutes until she falls asleep.

On night #1 this may take awhile. Hang tough! Remember, this is a training program. She’s learning a new skill that takes practice. If she wakes during the night repeat the same process. Go to the door every 5 minutes and let her hear your soothing voice. Do not go into the room. No matter what. Chances are, this won’t be easy for you. You’ll be tired and frazzled. You’ll feel guilty. Remind yourself that you’re teaching something really important. And that it will take 5 days or less.

Repeat this every night, no exceptions. Each night you’ll find that the crying periods get shorter as she learns the skill. Trust the process, stick with it, and don’t enter the room.

A few caveats about the technique:

Before you start, make sure that her crib is a safe place and there’s nothing in it that will cause you worry later. Dress her comfortably so you’re not concerned about the temperature or binding clothing. If she uses a binky, make sure she’s got more than one within reach.

You may need to shorten her nap time to encourage a longer sleep stretch at night. Try abbreviating that second nap a bit. Wake her 5 minutes earlier each day, wash her face (or whatever helps her wake up), and energize her with an active game. Shoot for shortening the nap time by at least 1/2 hour to an hour.

Once you start the training, be committed to sticking with it for 5 days no matter what. If you do, it will work. But if you backslide by going into the room to comfort or hold her, you’ll have to begin all over again and it will probably be tougher.

Remember, you’re teaching a skill. If she learns mid-way through that she just needs to scream louder and longer to get you to fold, she’ll understand that she can outlast you. Not good.

Very often, this method works in less than 5 days. Sometimes in as little as 3. But be prepared for 5 and you won’t be disappointed. You’ll all be sleeping better and longer.

To take a look at our answer for the mom of another rockin’ toddler, click here.

Good Luck!

~ The Mamas

Last time I took Daughter (age 17) for a check-up her doctor asked about facebook habits, cyber-bullying, and what time she goes to bed at night. Things have changed in the world of pediatrics, and we all need to catch up.

1.  She’s likely to be a she. A recent survey of brand new pediatricians found that 76% are now women. That compares with 48% in 2000 and 40% in 1994 when I entered the ranks. YES! This means that more and more of the experts we go to for guidance will share our experience as mothers. Trust me, it makes a difference.

2.  Chances are your doctor (and your medical chart) is online. Most pediatric practices are using computerized charting or are well on their way there. It’s now routine for docs to enter the exam room with a laptop or tablet and tap away while asking you and your child about the problem. There are lots of advantages to this new world, like your ability to check lab results with a click of the mouse, and the convenience of email instead of phone tag. There is also a downside to having the team captain staring at a screen, so make sure you insist on eye contact and human interaction, too.

3.  Questions have changed (and expanded). Once upon a time, your doctor was most concerned with height, weight, and and maybe how kiddo was doing in school. Now she’s likely to ask about nutrition, exercise, screen time and sports safety, among other things. We’ve realized that health is about much more than the absence of disease, and it’s about time.

4.  ”Doctor’s orders” don’t go unchallenged anymore. Patients and parents are  expected to ask questions and have a clear understanding of the diagnosis and treatment plan. This means you should never leave the office with a prescription or recommendation you don’t get or aren’t onboard with. Keep asking until you know exactly what, why, when and how. You shouldn’t be expected to interpret a language (medical-ese) you don’t speak.

5.  The use of “doctor’s helpers” will continue to increase. Don’t be surprised if a nursing assistant conducts much of the visit and a physician’s assistant or nurse practitioner handles the rest. The unfortunate reality is that insurance reimbursement for visits continues to shrink, and the only way for doctors to compensate is to lower costs and increase numbers. In the future expect MD’s to handle the complicated problems, while routine kids’ health issues are managed by others.

6.  Medication use in kids is exploding. Prescriptions for children are increasing four times faster than for adults, and it’s estimated that 1 in 4 take at least one medication regularly. That number jumps to 1 in 3 for the 10-19 age group; most commonly to treat diabetes, asthma, and attention disorders. This is a billion dollar industry fueled by our need for a quick fix. Think about asking your doctor if there’s a treatment option that bypasses the pharmacy.

7.  More docs are open to complementary and alternative medicine. Up to 70% of families are choosing alternative techniques to supplement kids’ care, mostly herbal remedies, acupuncture, and chiropractic, and traditional medicine is catching up. The American Academy of Pediatrics now has a section devoted to CAM. Be sure to tell your kiddo’s caregiver about any other treatments you’re using. You may be surprised how much she knows and is willing to share. Also, natural remedies may interact with prescription drugs like antibiotics, so it matters more than you think.

8.  Pediatricians are leaving the field in droves. Stagnant paychecks, increasing patient loads, and labyrinthine insurance regulations are nudging your child’s doctor out of the exam room to find other ways to make a living. A recent study showed that at least 15% of board certified pediatricians have hung up their stethoscopes in favor of non-clinical careers, so if you love yours and want her to stick around, make sure she knows it.

If you’re like me, you probably didn’t give much thought to ‘The Talk’ before the Trayvon Martin case hit the headlines. In case you’ve been in a coma for the last two weeks, seventeen-year-old Trayvon was on his way home from the corner store with Skittles and iced tea when George Zimmerman, a neighborhood watch captain, became convinced that he posed a dire threat and shot him dead. The details are in dispute, but what we do know is that Trayvon was unarmed and, other than the fatal gunshot wound, showed no evidence of a confrontation on autopsy.

As the controversy rages over Zimmerman’s claim of self-defense and the Florida law called ‘stand your ground’ that protects him from criminal prosecution, I’ve heard story after story from mothers of brown-skinned sons describing ‘The Talk’.

As the developmental shift from adorable little boy to preteen takes hold, these moms worry less about pimples and changing voices, and more about whether the lanky legs and mismatched bodies of approaching puberty might appear menacing to those inclined to be suspicious. I read tales of class valedictorians and star athletes of color, warned over and over again by cautious parents to always keep their hands in view when out at night and address every white adult, particularly a police officer, as ‘Sir’ or ‘Ma’am’. The indignity of having to teach children, barely out of elementary school, the ugly facts about racism that remains so deeply rooted in our national consciousness is hard for me to imagine. But then, their lives may depend on it.

By accident of birth, my two boys have fair, pinkish skin tones and tend to look younger than their twenty-something years. No matter how brooding their swagger as young teens, it’s hard to imagine anyone would have felt threatened by their approach; low-slung jeans and hoodies or not. It would never occur to me to have ‘The Talk’.

I did get a call from our local police once. Older Son was seventeen and enjoying the  freedom that comes with a brand spankin’ new driver’s license. He was leaving a movie with a group of friends shortly after our community’s 11 PM curfew (he had cleared the plan with me earlier, since our house deadline was also 11) and was snagged by a patrolman lying in wait. We moms, plus a dad or two, arrived instantly to pick them up from the theater lot, apologizing profusely while our teens listened to a fatherly lecture about following the law and staying out of trouble.

That’s what our kids come to expect from brushes with the law in certain bubble-wrapped, privileged communities. Might that scene have looked different if the teens involved happened to be of color, heading to parked cars after 11 at night? Might a couple of them have ended up with hands cuffed behind their backs, slammed up against the squad car? I’m just saying.

Younger Son has a close buddy from high school who fits the description. Nick is 6’4″, and about 250 lbs. His skin is a medium brown. Both his parents work in the successful hi-tech business they started after moving to this country from India 20 plus years ago.

Nick is smart, hardworking and accomplished. He played defense on the varsity football team and was student body president. He went on to attend an elite Massachusetts college and is now getting started in the film business in L.A. A teddybear of a guy, Nick spent many hours at my kitchen table when he was seventeen and I trust him like my own.

I’ve thought a lot about Nick these past few weeks, and I wonder if his parents felt the need to have ‘The Talk’. No, he’s not African-American like Trayvon, but how would anyone know that in the shadows, after dark, on the street? Nick is very, very brown and his size would make him appear far more menacing than the smaller Florida teen. Does he worry about seeming threatening to white adults? Does he go out of his way to make sure his hands are visible when he’s in unsure places at night?

Maybe we should all be having ‘The Talk’ with our kids, regardless of color. The one about how, sadly, we still live in a country where people might be judged by the color of their skin, rather than the content of their character; where boys like Trayvon may get in the way of grown men like Zimmerman and violence may result. ‘The Talk’ is about what we can do to ensure that Trayvon is the last child who dies as a result of racial fear and how we can seek justice for all the Trayvons who’ve gone before.

My sons have fair skin. It was an accident of birth. We all need to speak up.

Dear Mamas,

I recently got a call from my 4-year-old son’s preschool teacher that left me with mouth wide open.

She began by explaining that while Keegan is a charming and “spirited” little boy, she anticipates some problems when he gets to kindergarten next year and wanted to discuss it. It seems my guy is more energetic than the average child and is very “squirmy” (that’s the word she used – squirmy) when asked to sit at his desk to practice writing his letters and numbers. She’s concerned that he may be showing early signs of an attention disorder, and recommended that I have him evaluated for possible medication.

My neighbor’s 8-year-old has been diagnosed with ADHD and I’ve heard her talk about some of the symptoms, so I asked if Keegan disturbs other children, or if he has difficulty interacting with others in the class. She said, no, not at all. He’s well-liked and is always in a happy group when they play outside, but  only has difficulty sitting still when it’s lesson time.

Is it just me, or is 4 too young to be labeling him with ADHD? I’m still in shock.

Callie

Dear Callie,

My mouth would be hanging open right next to yours, but this has become so commonplace that I can no longer be shocked. Instead I have steam coming out of my ears. My bias (and it is a bias) is that children, particularly boys, in preschool are not developmentally equipped to sit still at a desk and perform repetitive tasks. That readiness comes later — often not until well into first grade.

In my opinion, preschool kiddos should be running around getting their ya-yas out, playing make believe, and using their vivid imaginations, not sitting at a desk practicing letters and numbers. It is a disservice to our children to expect otherwise. But this is a controversial topic, and if you ask five developmental pediatricians you’re likely to get five different answers. While there isn’t a whole lot of reliable information on ADHD in very young children, there are some areas of agreement.

Experts describe two behavioral patterns that may predict ADHD diagnosis later in childhood. The first is preschool expulsion, which is usually caused by aggressive behavior, refusal to participate in group activities, and failure to respect other children’s boundaries. The second is peer rejection, easily recognized by parents. Children with behaviors outside the norm are avoided by their classmates and shunned on the playground. Other kids tend to be “busy” whenever parents try to arrange playdates.

Red flags for these little ones aren’t limited to fidgeting or extra energy when asked to sit quietly, they include aggression, isolation and avoidance by the group. This doesn’t sound like the behaviors Keegan is demonstrating.

Diagnosis of ADHD in any child should involve a thorough developmental history, observation of the social and emotional environment, and feedback from health professionals who know the child well. In most cases, neuropsychological testing is needed to rule out other conditions with similar symptoms.

Treatment must include counseling and behavior therapy.  ADHD medication can have severe side effects in the very young, including poor appetite, insomnia, and anxiety. Preschoolers appear to be more prone to side effects than school-age children.

For more information, take a look at what KidsHealth.org and the American Academy of Pediatrics have to say on the topic.

If I had to guess, I’d say that Keegan is a typical 4-year-old boy. Less focused than the girls (as little guys are), soaked in a brine of kiddo testosterone, and feeling the energy of his wild, age-appropriate oats. But don’t take it from me, talk to his pediatrician and other professionals you trust. And you may want to reconsider your choice of preschool.

Good luck!

~ The Mamas

Remember the iconic book by Dr. Seuss, Green Eggs and Ham? The hilarious rhyming text tells the story of a child who repeatedly refuses to try a new strange-sounding, funky-colored food. Over and over, in every possible way, he says, “NO!” But when the food is finally tasted, the reaction is unexpected, of course. Who can forget the turnaround ending?

Say!

I like green eggs and ham!
I do!! I like them, Sam-I-am!

So I will eat them in a box.
And I will eat them with a fox.
And I will eat them in a house.
And I will eat them with a mouse.
And I will eat them here and there.
Say! I will eat them ANYWHERE!

I do so like
green eggs and ham!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Sam-I-am

The message is, sometimes you can’t tell a book by its cover or judge a food by its name. And then again, sometimes you can.

Green Eggs and Ham is what came to mind when I heard about the growing controversy over a strange food additive known as Pink Slime. Pink slime is made from leftover beef trimmings that have been treated with ammonium hydroxide to kill off E. Coli, salmonella, and other bacteria.  It can be found in abundance in grocery stores, school cafeterias, and restaurants across the nation. In fact, one former U.S. Department of Agriculture scientist says that 70% of supermarket ground beef contains the stuff.

The slime consists of beef by-products: cow intestines, connective tissue, and other pieces/parts that cannot be used in traditional beef cuts. And don’t forget the ammonia. The mixture is heated to about 100 F and spun to remove most of the fat. The lean mix that remains then is compressed into blocks for use as a filler in ground meat. YUCK!!

The product has been on the market for years, and federal regulators say it meets standards for food safety. But wholesome food advocates, like child nutrition guru Jamie Oliver, have denounced the process as an unsafe and unhealthy example of industrialized food production excesses.

This year the National School Lunch Program purchased about 7 million pounds of ground beef from from Beef Products Inc., and it’s estimated that pink slime accounts for up to 15% of the total. But starting this fall, schools will be able to ask burger makers to please hold the slime. The U.S. Department of Agriculture says that schools will soon be able to choose whether or not to buy hamburger with the gelatin-like material.

The media has taken notice, and in the last few weeks reports on the unappetizing facts about pink slime have skyrocketed. It’s now being called “the food version of Kony 2012.” As parents, we make every effort to feed our kiddos quality, wholesome foods, but we can’t do it if we don’t even know what’s in the products we buy. It’s time to take pink slime out of school cafeterias and off  grocery store shelves.

I do not like it in a box.
I do not like it with a fox
I do not like it in a house
I do not like it with a mouse
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like pink slime in ham.
I do not like it, Sam-I-am!