MAMAS LOVE: Best Parenting Tweets of the Week!

imagesThanks very much to HuffPost for these hilarious tweets from moms and dads. Can you relate?

Best Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

“Daddy can you make me scrambled eggs like when I was little kid? – my four year old daughter

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) April 24, 2014

 My kids learn a lot of new curse words on mornings when I oversleep.

— Renee (@nayele18) April 23, 2014

 Bummed Easter is over. Now which candy/gift bestowing mythological creature am I supposed to use to extort good behavior out of my children?

— John (Dad) (@askdadblog) April 21, 2014

 If I can clean the nastiest poopy diaper with one wipe, why can’t I figure out a French braid? Clearly the former is more difficult, no?

— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) April 26, 2014

 Overheard 3 yo playing with knights: “GUARDS! SNEEZE THEM!!”

— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) April 22, 2014

 Carried my 3 year old for 2 kilometres and she talked about everything in the world except the fact that her shoe fell off at the 1st metre.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) April 22, 2014

 Spring Break is code for “breaking the springs inside parents that keep them upright.”

— charliecapen (@charliecapen) April 24, 2014

 Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face. #awesome

— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) April 24, 2014

 Do you know what’s so lovable about toddlers? No, seriously, I’m asking.

— Baby Sideburns (@BabySideburns) April 24, 2014

 Sexy used to be him bringing me flowers, now it’s when he reminds the kids to use the bathroom before we leave the house.

— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) April 21, 2014

 Me: “Who taught the baby how to karate chop??”

7 year old: “Not me.”

5 year old: “Maybe it was the internet.”

— Mamatoga (@Mamatoga) April 16, 2014

 We go from watching Game of Thrones to Madagascar 3 without blinking an eye because we’re parents.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) April 21, 2014

 The 8YO, watching “The Munsters,” wonders why I don’t take the time to look like Lily.

— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) April 23, 2014

 Googling “How the ever-lovin’ HELL do you play Pokemon?” soon to be followed by “How do I talk my kid into playing ANYTHING but Pokemon?”

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) April 26, 2014

 My pastor dad has the same reaction to someone misquoting scripture as my 4 y/o to those who mess up Do You Want To Build A Snowman.

— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) April 23, 2014

 Is there rehab for people who continue to sing the songs from the Frozen soundtrack long after their children have gone to bed?

— Allana Harkin (@AllanaHarkin) April 22, 2014

 Can’t figure out my 4th grader’s math homework, but still know all of the words to every song on “Appetite for Destruction” so it is a wash.

— GoonSquadSarah (@GoonSquadSarah) April 23, 2014

 3-year-old:*hits me in the face with a ball*

Me: OW

3: Think fast!

Me: You’re supposed to say that before you throw it

3: You think slow

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2014

 I don’t know what’s worse, being ordered around by a toddler or actually doing what he says.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 26, 2014

 “So what do you do in your down time?” -people who don’t have kids.

— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) April 22, 2014

 My kid did this cute thing where he asked the cashier if she was a lady or a monster, and now we have to buy our groceries in another city.

— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 23, 2014

 My son said “Mommy, I love you because you like jokes, love me, are really nice and don’t have hairy legs.”

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) April 22, 2014

 My daughter is giving me a makeover. In other words, I’m not leaving the house and now several cosmetics are completely defunct. #parenting

— Hillary Leonard (@thehilljean) April 24, 2014

 “Mom, can you hold onto these dolls? And don’t lose the shoes.”#FamousLastWords

— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) April 20, 2014

 2yo: “I love meatballs! They make my penis grow big and strong!”

(This was during a lull in the conversation at my dad’s birthday dinner.)

— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) April 26, 2014

 

  5yo at bedtime, “Momma, I’ve been wondering… does Shuggie have any kids?” Me: Your grandmother?? My mother?? That one?

— Robin O’Bryant (@robinobryant) April 24, 2014

 Bedtime Stall Tactic #205:

The scene: I am rocking my two-year-old before bed.
Kid: “Mommy? I gotta eat lunch.”

— Mommy, for real. (@MommyisForReal) April 23, 2014

 It’s nice to be home, where my son can throw his bedtime temper tantrums in his own room instead of other people’s houses.

— Will Goldstein (@willgoldstein) April 27, 2014

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Ellen and Rachel are two old friends and “expert” mamas—one a pediatrician and one a family therapist—with fifty years of parenting experience between them.


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