Just Say No

Nothing pulls on our collective heart strings more than the sight of an excited child full of smiles and anticipation about something thrilling that he or she is aching to do. So when that child turns to us and breathlessly asks, “Mommy, can I?” we are often hard pressed to say no, even when we have our doubts about whether it’s a good idea or not.

We look at that hopeful, adorable face, cave, and blurt out, “Sure!” before we’ve given it five seconds of thought. Fact is, we moms don’t like to be the one to pop the bubble. Yeah, I know. I’ve been there too, many, many times. And the thing is, it doesn’t get any easier to disappoint them, even as their baby teeth disappear and the big-kid ones start to come in.

But here’s the thing – even though you may be tempted to give in to the begging and pleading, I’m going to encourage you (well, maybe pressure is a better word) to screw up your courage and just say no!

At least initially. Why? Well, I’ll let you in on a little mama secret: If you say yes right away and then, after some thought decide that you really don’t want your 6 year-old to go to Las Vegas for the weekend with your neighbor’s new nanny, for example, you’re going to have a tough time taking it back. You will be hated, you will be reviled, and you will never hear the end of how unfair you are — “But Mom, you promised!!”

If, instead though, you start out with, “Oh, no, honey, I don’t think so. But I’ll give it some more thought and let you know,” you’ve bought yourself a little time to think carefully about what’s being asked so that you can make a measured decision. Then if you decide that the request is definitely a no-go, your child won’t be terribly surprised since you already told him that it didn’t look good. But if instead you decide to say yes, everyone will be happy and you can feel confident about your decision.

You will know that you’re on track if your kids start saying things like, “Oh, Mom, you always say no.” Wear this as a badge of courage and don’t be afraid to answer back, “Yep, I definitely do try to think things through before I give them the green light.” They may not like it, but just remember that if they had their way they would be eating ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner and jumping into the pool from the roof of your house. Good decision-making is not one of their strengths, as of yet.

So go ahead mamas, take my advice and make the word “no” your new default position. Make “no” the new “yes” at your house. Remember to closely guard the mama secret that you can easily change “no” to “yes” but will pay heavily for going from “yes” to “no”.

And as your kids begin to inch up in height and the requests they bring you get dicier and dicier, you’re going to love it that you’ve gotten so comfortable with “no”. I’ll give you a money back guarantee on that one!