His Nursery School Is Holding Him Back

Dear Mamas,

My two year old son is in a preschool we picked because it is play-based and not focused on academics. He started in August and has done amazingly well. And he’s turning out to be really bright. He is very verbal and artistic. In fact, he drew a picture of our family the other day and included all four of us in the drawing.  Each person had a head with eyes, ears, nose and mouth. My older child could never draw like that at his age.

Anyway, I showed it to his teacher and she said, “Great!” and put it up on the wall with all the other art. But honestly I was surprised that she didn’t make a bigger deal out of it. So now we are wondering if we have made a mistake in sending him to that school. We are concerned that maybe she doesn’t see what we see and that he is not getting the support and stimulation that he needs. He is really happy and doing well in all ways and loves going to school. But we worry that he may need more than this particular school is offering. What do you think?

Worried in New Hampshire

Dear Worried,

First of all, congratulations on making such a smart decision in the first place. Play-based nursery school is, in my opinion, the BEST place for a child to get his start in school. And let’s take a look at how he’s doing so far — according to you he is thriving. Happy, healthy and rockin’ it all over the place.

So tell me again, what’s the problem? Sounds to me like the school you picked was a home run! As they say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

But I understand your concerns — you, being a sensitive, caring parent want to make sure that he gets all of the academic support and stimulation that he needs. You don’t want to sell him short. I do get it. What I will say to you is that at age two his needs are very few but at the same time those needs are very important.

At home, he needs to be able to engage in free unstructured play. He needs to be able to spend a lot of relaxed time with his family. He needs a good solid routine regarding sleep and meals. He needs a healthy diet filled with nutritious foods. He needs reasonable limits. He needs to be read to, talked to, tickled, danced with, held and loved like crazy. He needs to play outside and explore nature with you. He needs to laugh (and cry sometimes) and act silly. He needs to know that he is loved and safe.

At school, he needs to feel safe, relaxed and comfortable with the people who are caring for him. He needs the chance to learn how to cooperate and take direction from other adults. He needs to see that you can leave him there alone and he will be alright. He needs to be given the chance to learn how to take turns and share. He needs the chance to make a friend. He needs to be able to play in a non-structured way and experiment with art materials. He needs to sing! And dance! And maybe even do a little cooking with teacher. He needs a place where they value the development of the WHOLE child.

He does not need academics. He’ll get plenty of that for the next 12 to 18 years or more. He does not need to be stressed by having to sit down and “learn” how to read. He does not need to be compared to other kids his age. He does not need to learn how to perform for others.

At two years old, your son is still practically a baby, although he is growing and developing fast. Give him plenty of time before those academic expectations start kicking in. All he really needs right now is the opportunity to socialize a little, gain confidence in himself and trust in his environment. And from what you have told me, he’s getting it all!