Sweet Dreams

Who hasn’t struggled with getting a kid to go to bed? It’s an age old battle and there are strategies galore about how to con your child into peacefully settling down once the sun sets. Bedtime routines are a really important part of this and we’ve written about them many times.

But I want to share a specific strategy that I started using with my own kids when they were tiny. It not only works but stretches their imaginations and shows them how to tune in to messages from their subconscious minds, too! I’m talking about teaching them how to plan and remember their dreams. It’s a great game and one that I’ll bet they come to love as much as mine did (and do).

I got to thinking about this after I saw the movie Inception a couple days ago. Have you seen it? It’s about a guy who gets hired to enter the dreams of another guy in order to implant an idea that will make him do something in his waking life. Basically the hired man is trying to control the other man through his dreams. It’s a kind of fantasy thriller but lots of fun, especially since it zeros in on one of my favorite activities — dreaming.

Why we dream has long been a subject for debate. But most people believe that we can use dreams to work through issues we are struggling with or make sense out of something upsetting that has happened. Early in my second pregnancy, for example, I was very worried about the possibility of miscarriage.

One night I went to sleep and began dreaming that I was having a miscarriage. I was spotting and was taken to a hospital and put on a gurney and taken in to an operating room. The doctor examined me and said, “She’s having a miscarriage.”  I panicked and felt this incredible feeling of horror but then suddenly I realized that I was dreaming. At that point I sat up and said to the doctor, “No. That’s wrong. This is my dream and I’m in charge and I am NOT having a miscarriage.” I got off the operating table and walked away. Then I woke up and after that my fears about miscarriage were gone.

Beyond helping us to solve problems or work through tough emotions dreams can also be pure and simple fun! But most of us don’t remember our dreams and so we don’t get the full benefit of what is shown to us while we are sleeping. Fewer still have figured out how to be actively awake while literally asleep.

Luckily though, we can train ourselves to remember our dreams and can even influence what we dream about to a degree. Since most people spend around two hours each night dreaming, it’s worth a try. And it’s a great thing to teach your children how to do.

When I was growing up, my mom would ask my brothers, sisters and me what we had dreamed about each morning as we sat around the table eating our cereal. Since we were fresh from sleep our dreams were often still clear and we would discuss them in detail. We would laugh about the silly or scary situations we had encountered and it did a lot to stimulate our imaginations and story-telling abilities.

We were encouraged to think about our dreams, remember them and share them. I loved this ritual and so when my own children were young I continued the tradition that I had grown up with. But I went a step further and started a game that we played at bedtime called “Going to Dreamland.”

Here’s how it works: sometime after dinner I would start asking them where they wanted to go that night. They knew I meant once they had fallen asleep and were dreaming. We called the place we went to Dreamland and I explained that they could do anything they wanted to do there. Nothing was off limits and I encouraged them to come up with a rich and detailed story about what they wanted to experience that night as they slept.

Around Christmas time they would often want to visit Santa at the North Pole and help the elves make toys. My daughter loved dolphins and made up a story about a magical dolphin who could swim, fly and talk. She could ride him in the sea or in the air because she could breathe underwater. I would help her think about things they could do together and places around the world they could visit. Sometimes she wanted me to come along and other times she wanted to go all by herself with her sea creature friend.

Because little children often hate the separation from their parents that comes with saying goodnight, I would often tell them that I would meet them in their dreams once they were deeply asleep. As part of our night time ritual we would make a plan for where we would be going that night. Once the details had been ironed out, they were happy and excited to get to sleep so they could go to Dreamland.

I played this up seriously but with a lot of enthusiasm and a twinkle in my eye. It was easy for me to help them weave a wonderful, imaginative plan for the night and to get excited with them. Because after all, anything can happen when you’re dreaming!

The next morning we would talk about their dreams and they would fill the room with their funny stories and outrageous adventures. I’m sure that they stretched the truth regularly but to me that was a valuable part of the experience. It was about conjuring possibilities and these early morning discussions did much to build their imagination muscles.

My children all loved this game and to this day they love to go to sleep and also to talk about their dreams. No insomniacs at this house!

So give it a try. Start talking with your children about dreams and how much fun they can be. Ask them to tell you about their dreams in the morning and introduce them to the magical place called Dreamland. It’s free, always open, and you can take them there every night. They can also eat as much candy as they want and do all the things they can’t do in their more ordinary life like fly or be a king or talk to animals. How could they resist?

Added bonus: it may make saying goodnight a lot more fun.