Comments on: TIMEOUT! How To Do It Right

By: I’ve Got A Biter!

I’ve Got A Biter! — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 08:03:21 +0000

[...] After things calm down, explain that when she is mad or upset she has to use her words to talk about it. Help her understand that you are not upset with her because she was angry but because she bit you. Let her know loud and clear that she may not use her body to hurt people and next time, she will get a time out. [...]

By: Michelle King

Michelle King — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 04:54:41 +0000

Before I had my daughter, I used to say and believe, “God gave us butt cheeks to spank the child without hurting them.” But when my child was old enough to start being disciplined, I spanked her butt with my hand because she was misbehaving after a bath.
Well, when I saw my hand print on her butt, I KNEW RIGHT AWAY THAT HITTING, SPANKING of the such is not for me or my child. I almost cried when I saw my handprint on her after giving her a good swat on the butt. Therefore, we use timeout and I try to make the punishment fit the crime. In this case, next bath take away her favorite tub toy. I also let her know at first hand that this will happen next time she acts out like that. I rarely give her punishments because the 1,2,3 works very well for us. Hope this helps, Michelle.

By: jonathan

jonathan — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 03:53:03 +0000

I do not use time outs. The message they send is that you (little dear loved one) are not loved unconditionally. You are only loved so long as you obey standards which you do not understand and can’t be expected to understand until later when your brain develops more. Otherwise, you’re going to have to sit in that chair in the corner and feel shame or anger or frustration until the clock runs out.

My wife and I have firm limits, we are not the least bit permissive. But we practice empathy, and little by little, we’ve nourished a deep connection with our son. We model the behavior we expect from him and, guess what?, he has learned from us everything he knows. He acts just like a 3 year old would be expected to act. But he knows that when he is defiant we will hold the limit (whatever it may be) and yet we’ll listen and pay attention to his objections. This is often enough to make him “feel felt”–and he accepts that he won’t get what he wants (to play more at bedtime, to bite his sister, etc.) but that we will always listen to his argument and hear his objections. And that we love him unconditionally.

What this parenting requires is Time In! not time outs….

By: The Tone Of Your Voice Speaks Volumes

The Tone Of Your Voice Speaks Volumes — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 18:37:36 +0000

[...] Stop, take a deep breath, get down to his level, look him in the eye and THEN say in your stern, serious “Mommy’s not happy” voice, “Andrew. I DO NOT like what you are doing right now. You may NOT hit your sister. Do you hear me? Do you understand? And if you do it again, you are going to have a time-out.” [...]